Nicolae's Journal

i'm addicted to his sex!!
i come all the way from ohio to sleep with him how pathetlic is that? 900 miles from my house even for just a week sometimes three and he continues to break my heart everytime i see him. how can someone have that much power over me? it is the only way i feel love from, and i am comepletly addicted to him! i need rehab. rehab for being addicted to braxs love? lol i am so fucked up, he is such a sweet guy sometimes but he always thinks about himself before anyone else and i hate that. if i was stranded on a deserted island with him and all we had was one cookie i swear he would eat it for himself, i bet he wouldnt even break it in half. lol the sad part is i am not kidding. so what do i do? finding someone else is out of the picture cause i have tryed and the hottest guy could try and i would turn him down. how can someone not want a love like that, how can he know how much i love him know what i would do for him and still just be the person he is? i dont get him he is so confusing and everytime i say that i will not go see him again then he calls or messages me and tells me he wants to see me and what do i do? i go see him, get my heart broken again and rinse and repeat, over and over again and it gets so old and so abused you think i would get sick if him but i dont i want him more and more and more everytime he hurts me.

yes i am moving to ohio to live forever, in a way its sad but its for the best, i am so happy there, i wasn't sure if i was gonna do it till yesterday, i told my mom she cryed and then said she wanted grandkids, lol oh no!!! not yet lol, but yea i have fallen head over heels for brad, he is amazing, flawless to me, i love him so much its crazy, i am so happy that i have found someone like him, he was my first crush in kindergarden and then i left in 5th grade to live in texas, and now that we have gotten in touch and i went there for a month i have noticed that he has been the one since day one. well i am more than happy to be in the situation i am in, i have waited to feel this way for a long time.

well i don't think i have wrote for about a month, but nothing really has happened just trying to finish school and doing all the college stuff for the fall, i am moving to okc in late july and i haven't really decided if thats what i want to do but i am going to have to, so i need to get ready to grow up a little bit but i doesn't help when my parents do everything for me and haven;t taught me anything i need to do, so i am alittle scared.

since a couple days after valentines i have been seeing brax, we are very open with our relationship, i see other peple sometimes but i don't think he does but i wouldn't know cause i don't care, so since we have that kind of relationship i do let myself find interest in other guys, i am not tring to avoid it, so i started talking to one of my old friends from kindergarden, and we haven't talked since prolly 5th grade and it is amazing how much we have in common, i didn't think that he would of turned out to have the same interest as me cause i figured that he would of been someone different when i always thought back on him, well, i am going back to my home town in june for about 2 weeks, we are going to meet up and stuff, well awhile back he told me he loved me and i didn't know what to say about that so i told him i loved him to cause i do its just a weird love, like i have known him forever and it wouldn't be odd being with him, but we live so far apart and it sucks. i don't wanna tell him that and him think that we are together or something, i don't know, i told him that its not wrong to love someone you have known forever but right now he shouldn't think to much about it cause it would definitly not work out right now and if there is something there i don't wanna ruion it. so this is hard for me to fake through this with brax, i haven't told him about brad, i just hate faking through stuff like this it sux so bad.

I have graduation coming up in may and prom , and i have a prom date finally! my friend moose, by the name you should picked up that he is a big boy lol but i love him. softball is over, we didn't go to state which sucked so bad and made me depressed, one thing i wanted to do my senior year, we went my sophmore year. i am listening to slow jams and i hate it cause all these people are in love and dedicating songs to one another, i usually request "i'm in love with a stripper" but i don't think i am today, i am waiting for the hope line to come on cause i like listening to other peoples problems, maybe thats why i will make an awesome psych. so i am going to get, tootles.

ok well i had a game at my field today and they cancled! that is at least the third game cancled in two weeks! omg!

anyway so far my day is fine except that i am stuck listening to country music! my school blocked most sites and didn't block livejournal or cmt.com so thats what i am stuck with lol jk i like livejournal but not more then myspace and HALO2!

so we did find a team to play and we have to drive all the way to millcreek to play sulfur. gah! i hate away games. but oh well.

i have wasted my weekend away playing my halo and invading myspace. fun fun. brax spent the night with me thursday and i didn' t go to practice and i got to class just in time for 3rd hour.

this morning when i woke up i was trying to find all my game stuff but i couldn't find my underarmor and i wanted to cry cause i can't be without and i know that it is going to be cold but i got the Underarmor that keeps me warm when i am cold and cool when i am hot. and luckily i found it. YES!

me and brax aren't getting along very well lately. i don't know what is going to happen. but its ok cause i didn't really see anything progressing.

so i am suposed to hook up with my new friend and play some Video Games! you know who you are :) i can't wait its gonna be fun.

i am suposed to go look at apartments this week in the city but i think i am going to be to busy cause i got games everyday but wednesday. so i will see what happens.

practice is cancled do to the weather. its ok with me because i want to go home. i am hungry and i need to take a shower. well i found out that the girl that i replaced on the softball team is moving back and my playing time is going to get cut in half ok more than half. that is BS because i am very dedicaded to the team and i was there when they needed me so i stepped up and now when they don't need me they are going to just pretend like i didn;t save their asses. i skipped track meets for the team and i skipped two funerals because they needed me. but whatever when they need me again i am going to turn around and show my ass. lol that would be priceless! and i would so do it! :) well write back lter

i have a 2 hour bus ride to moss today for my softball game! man that is a long ride on a bus. my friend Morgan broke it down on the karoke last hour. it was funny she sang avril lavigne to me and then her and wesley broke it down and sang soldier by destinys child. priceless! people are in a much better mood today. my ex timmy's dad got shot and killed the day before yesterday. which is my friend morgans boyfriend now. he went to the fall out boy concert last night. i could od gone but i don't want to see jeremy, he got tickets for us and i told him to take someone else. man i wanted to go so bad, tells ya how much i really don't wanna see him. i went bowling last night with brax and marideth and josh and marc and tyler and someone else. i dont remember his name. but anyway, i hope we win today cause that would really make my day. :) see ya later!

people are being so evil and bitchy today and it is about to get on my last nerve! i bet i get in an arrgument before the day is up.

well today is tuesday and so far nothing has really happen. i was suposed to have a game yesterday and it got canceld and today but it got cancled tooo! grr oh well.

Chinese Horoscope

whatever you do, don't cheat!


CHINESE HOROSCOPE:
THE YEAR OF THE IRON DRAGON,
WISHING YOU PROSPERITY AND GOOD FORTUNE IN THE
CHINESE NEW YEAR

FOLLOW THE INSTRUCTIONS -
DO NOT CHEAT
OR IT WON'T WORK AND
YOU WILL WISH YOU HADN`T.

TAKE 3 MINUTES
TRY THIS - IT WILL FREAK YOU OUT.

THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO ME SAID
HER WISH CAME TRUE 10 MINUTES AFTER SHE FORWARDED THE EMAIL

NO CHEATING!!!!

THIS GAME HAS A FUNNY / CREEPY OUTCOME.
DO NOT READ AHEAD, JUST DO IT.
IT TAKES ABOUT 3 MINUTES - WORTH A TRY


1st. Get PEN and PAPER

2nd. WHEN CHOOSING NAMES, MAKE SURE THEY ARE REAL PEOPLE THAT YOU ACTUALLY KNOW

3rd. GO WITH YOUR FIRST INSTINCTS !!!!! Very important for good results.

4th SCROLL DOWN

ONE LINE AT THE TIME
DON`T READ AHEAD
otherwise
YOU WILL RUIN THE FUN.

1. On a blank sheet of paper, WRITE NUMBERS 1 through 11 in a COLUMN on the LEFT.

2. Next to the NUMBERS 1 & 2,

WRITE DOWN ANY
2 NUMBERS YOU WANT.

DO YOU HAVE A FAVORITE NUMBER?

3. Next to the NUMBERS 3 & 7,

WRITE DOWN THE NAMES OF TWO MEMBERS
OF THE OPPOSITE SEX.

CAUTION: DO NOT LOOK AHEAD or IT WILL NOT TURN OUT RIGHT

4. WRITE ANYONES NAME

(like FRIENDS or FAMILY...)
next to 4, 5, & 6.

DON`T CHEAT OR YOU`LL BE UPSET THAT YOU DID

5. WRITE down FOUR SONG TITLES in 8, 9, 10, & 11

6. Finally,

MAKE A WISH

ARE YOU READY?
HERE IS THE
KEY TO THE GAME

1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE THAT LIKE YOU is found in SPACE 2

2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3IS THE ONE YOU LOVE

3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7

4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in
SPACE 4


5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.

6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR LUCKY STAR


7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3



8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7


9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND


10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE




These were my answers:
1. 7
2. 11
3. michael
4. stevanna
5. tamara
6. JJ
7. Jeremy
8. what hurts the most
9. you got me up against the wall
10. i never meant to be SO COLD
11. Buried myslef alive


1. THE NUMBER of PEOPLE THAT LIKE YOU is found in SPACE 2

2. THE PERSON IN SPACE 3IS THE ONE YOU LOVE

3. THE PERSON YOU LIKE but your relationship CANNOT WORK is in SPACE 7

4. YOU CARE MOST about the PERSON you put in
SPACE 4


5. THE PERSON YOU NAME IN NUMBER 5 IS THE ONE WHO KNOWS YOU VERY WELL.

6. THE PERSON YOU NAMED IN 6 IS THE YOUR LUCKY STAR


7. THE SONG IN 8 IS THE SONG THAT MATCHES WITH THE PERSON IN NUMBER 3



8. THE TITLE IN 9 IS THE SONG FOR THE PERSON IN 7


9. THE 10TH SPACE IS THE SONG THAT TELLS YOU MOST ABOUT YOUR MIND


10. AND 11 IS THE SONG TELLING HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT LIFE